Greg Vandagriff

Whenever I’m in my car, I like to tune in the radio to my favorite hip-hop station, roll down my windows, and crank up the volume to maximum. That guy that you hate sitting next to at an intersection? Yeah, that’s me. I’m sure you’re thinking “Grow up Greg; honestly.” And you know what I have to say to you? “Shut up, because I’m saving lives.”

My music serves the valuable purpose of being an audible signal that warns other drivers of my presence; kind of like sonar technology, but more awesome. Thanks to my maxed-out melodies, people are aware of when I’m in their blind spot and are less likely to swerve into me and cause an accident that could result in people dying. You see, not only am I blessing nearby drivers with the opportunity to listen to my sweet music, I’m warning them of potential hazards that could result in accidents.

Your toddlers? You know, the ones that run out into the street when I’m ripping through your residential neighborhood at 50 mph? You better believe that my music is GOOD for them, because they hear me coming and get the crap out of my way. That’s right, my loud music keeps your toddlers from dying.

You see, my high volume hip-hop is a public good that is so high in value that, honestly, you should be paying me to listen to it, because I make drivers more aware of their surroundings and reduce the likelihood of fatal accidents happening as a result. So the next time you hear my loud music, stop being selfish and give me a thumbs up instead of a scowl. It’s a thankless job, but somebody’s gotta do it.